Monday, March 5, 2007

And I thought Britney was Crazy

It’s been pretty quiet in my neighborhood ever since they removed the crazy lady that lived next door.

A couple nights ago it was not so peaceful. I woke up at 3AM. Normally, the only things that rouse me from my slumber are the mosquitoes that feast on my ankles as if they were at a buffet table. Seriously, I look like I have chicken pox with all my bites. I douse myself with Off Spray, but I think the mosquitoes just consider that a marinade. No, this time it was not bugs that stirred me. It was painfully loud screaming coming from the woman next door.

The yelling was so deafening she might as well have marched into my bedroom and crashed her cymbals into my ear. It sounded like a man was trying to calm her down, but she was going ballistic. She would ramble on in Lugandan and her voice would peak. It was as if she were practicing her scales. It’s similar to when your voice breaks when you attempt to sing along to a Mariah Carey song in your car. In any case, it was aggravating. After maybe an hour of this, I was about to walk over there and introduce my fists, but the noise quieted. I shoved my head under the pillow and fell back asleep.

Round 2 came four hours later with the same wild shrieking. I got out of bed. No use trying to sleep. I peered out my window. I hid behind the curtain trying to catch a peek of what was going on. A small cluster of neighbors had gathered and surrounded her home, investigating the commotion. Unlike me, they didn’t try to hide their voyeurism. How long could her ranting go on? Wouldn’t she grow tired of being crazy?

Well, apparently not. When I returned home later that night after spending the day in Kampala, she was still at it. The conflux of onlookers had grown. I tiptoed by her house. There were several Muslim men in a small group, discussing amongst themselves. I could see her in the window behind the bars shouting at her spectators. They had locked her in her home for fear that she might be a danger to others. Her hands wrapped around the bars, she thrashed her head wildly. She was pleading with the outside. From what I gathered by the murmuring crowd, she was insisting that there were evil spirits in her home. One person believed that her husband had left her. Someone else said that was not the case, because her husband lived next door with his second wife and family. No one really knew why she lost it. The Muslim community had encircled her and begged her to allow Allah to rid these evil spirits. I came up with a good idea that might calm her down. Why not just throw a really big blanket over her house? It always worked on my pet bird when I wanted it to go to sleep and stop chirping. I thought I might throw that suggestion into the hat.

My solution was not needed, because the next day her house was quiet. The crowd had left. Her windows closed and curtains drawn. I am not sure where she went. Now, the only sounds I hear from outside my window are the roosters.

P.S. I just got through typing this and I let out a blood curdling scream. And not because I too have gone insane, but because a GIGANTIC mouse just ran past me. And I am not talking cute Stuart Little type mouse, I am talking ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT A CAT type mouse. I think it ran into my room. There goes another night of sleeping peacefully.

2 comments:

Leigh Anne said...

I just read all of your blog entries. I didn't think it was possible but I am laughing hysterically and crying!

You guys are true angels. I don't know how you do it without getting overwhelmed.

I think your mother had the right idea about contacting Anderson Cooper and Ellen Degeneres. I, too, am going to send them an email about you. I think they both would be interested in what y'all are doing.

Lauren, you are quite a writer.

Be safe and God speed!
Leigh Anne

Unknown said...

ok, now. you must come home.
im tired of all this worrying about you.

ok, come home now. thanks.

and eat prime rib at my wedding with a lovely au jous.

also, we have to offer you a nice torellini with cream sauce and chef's choice steamed vegetables.

ok?